just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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