And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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