Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
worst night to have a conscience
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
