How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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