I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
What drink are we having for lunch?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
did i just pee glitter
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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