i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
