I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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