She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
