last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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