This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
