ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
