did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I checked into jail on foursquare
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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