You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
