I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I love you. Go after that dick
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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