To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
