she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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