I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
