I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
