fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
