I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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