Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
