Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Can I color on your dick again?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
