there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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