So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
