a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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