Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
