I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
