I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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