i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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