who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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