I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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