I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We are two peas in an std pod
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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