I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
