i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
