I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Found your dick twin last night
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
