Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
