I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
