Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
