Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
