is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
