I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
