u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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