When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
