I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
