No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
