I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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