You're my little dorito
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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