sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
