You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
