so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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