i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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