quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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